i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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