Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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