I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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