so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
