I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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