my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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