You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
