hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You smell like stripper and shame
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
