I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
