She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
