is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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