apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
