You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
