I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
