last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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