Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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