I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
