p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
