I smell stomach acid.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
