Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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