Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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