How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
