He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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