the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
