so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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