I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
