Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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