Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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