so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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