i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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