Slut skills are useful in every country.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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