p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
