Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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