I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize