It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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