I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
