I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
