Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
