sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
