Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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