Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
