Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
