her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
