When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
