It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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