apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
