I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
