Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
