Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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