He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
