Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
