miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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