I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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