I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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