I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
