I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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