you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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