girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
