I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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