Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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