he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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