just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
