We're facebook friends in real life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
