thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You smell like stripper and shame
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
