I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
