I feel great
I just peed on a car
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
