i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
